I feel as though something imperative within me has been missing for a few months now.  It’s as though there is an absence of self and I am powerless to stop it, ineffective at figuring out what is missing and how to find this missing piece of me. 

There is a disconnect somewhere.  I feel utterly lost at times, like I have fallen off the track I am supposed to be on.  I have a hard time concentrating on the task at hand.  As cliché as it sounds, sometimes, it’s as though life is passing me by, leaving me floundering in its violent wake. 

Who am I?  What am I doing here?  What am I supposed to be doing here?  Struggling to find my way, struggling with my identity. 

I would like to think the chronic pain I have been dealing with for the last few months has something to do with these feelings.  It would make much more sense than anything else I can come up with, which is nothing. I have been in pain every day, I have not been eating much due to this pain, and I have been depressed and hopeless that it will not end.

I need to convince myself that I am a good person, to follow the path laid out for me (or the path I have laid out for myself), that I am surrounded by good people who care for who I am, not who I could be. 

This too shall pass. 

photo copyright This Too Shall Pass Photography