Happy Halloween

From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!

We all wear masks...

Around your skin, I tie and untie mine.

unwrap me

I'll unwrap the string

That was me

Around your finger

think about this.

My apology to all of you…………

Sometimes, the truth hurts.  Sometimes it even kills us, emotionally.  And yet, we need to know, so that we can grow as humans, so that we can recognize our faults and flaws and attempt to fix them, to change, to adapt, to develop.  So we can become better people.  

There were times, growing up, when I felt, I could not express my true emotions.  I was discouraged from revealing how I really felt, unless they were joyful thoughts.  If I felt sad or disheartened, I felt as though had to keep these feelings to myself.  I would try so hard to hide it when I wasn’t happy, but I found this very difficult, and  I pulled back itself myself, isolating myself from others. \

Over the years, I learned how to express these emotions.  I opened up to others and took comfort in their receptiveness.  Eventually, this became a crutch for me.  Anytime, I was sad or angry (regardless of the root cause) I would reach out to people, for comfort, for validity, for acknowledgement.   It made me feel less alone for people to know how I felt, what I was going through, and to respond to my pain.  

Social networking made it easier to connect with others, to feel linked in to the world.  It made it easier to communicate, with the written word, any feelings I had.  It made it easier to open up and share my experiences.  But, it also made it easier to vent, to complain, to whine about day to day negativity. 

 

Being a person who wears their heart on their sleeve, this has been a downfall for me.  I get hurt easily, take things to heart, take things personally. 

This past week, a few people disclosed things to me, about myself I had not realized I was presenting to the world. 

More often than not, I was presenting a negative persona.  I would dwell on the negative, sometimes forgetting the positive.  I guess, I recognized this, subconsciously, however, was not cognizant enough to accept it wholeheartedly. 

But, what is more important, when I would vent about people who had hurt me, the people who did care were feeling overlooked, ignored, and disregarded.  This was never my intention.  I feel so embarrassed and disappointed in myself for presenting this attitude to the world. 

I feel as though I have lost track of what I feel my purpose is here on earth, what I want my purpose to be.  And that is to always place others before myself, to serve my fellow man, to help those in need.  

I wanted to say I AM SORRY to all of you.  To anyone I may have hurt with my negative thoughts.  I never intended it.  

I promise to myself to be a more positive person.  To let go of things that hurt me.  To not hold onto negative energy or grudges.  To smile more.  To laugh more. To love more.  To be the person I want to be. I pledge to be a better person.  A better friend.  A better friend to myself too. 

I hope that you will continue to be in my life.  I love you all.  I am sorry.

Apparently, loving others too much

is clingy and needy.

how sad.

The curse of a not so social butterfly....

I greatly enjoy getting out, talking, meeting new people, sharing ideas, collaborating on art, being an ear for someone who may need it. I love learning about people, sharing a part of myself with them, growing, laughing, loving...

Lately, 9 times out of 10, I have been ignored completely, stood up or given a lame excuse. I am not asking or looking for sympathy here.  I just don’t understand it. Is there something about me I don’t know about, that turns others off? At this rate, it seems there must be. 

I cannot change someone.  I cannot beg them to be my friend.  All I ask is that you treat people how YOU want to be treated.  If someone offers you an ear, a shoulder to cry on, do the same for them when they are in need.

By offering all they have, without receiving anything back, it drains a person.  Don't kill their light.  Let them let it shine. Take advantage of their love. 

Love others.  Treat people with respect.  Get to really know people, deep inside.  Let someone open up to you if they offer it.  Don’t push them away.  Who will be there for you when you have a need?

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.”

When we create art, we put a piece of ourselves into it:  a small fragment of our soul, a sliver of the essence that makes us who we are.  

 

That is why our art becomes so personal to us.  This is why we take it so hard when others condemn what we have created.  They are criticizing that part of us that we have risked showing to the world. 

 

Despite this, we must keep putting ourselves out there, regardless of public reaction.  It is only through the making of art, that we are able to release a part of our soul.  We have to keep making art; be true to ourselves.  

 

I make this promise to myself: to continue doing what I love, despite the reaction I receive back from others.  Art comes from the soul and deserves to be seen.  

 

 

End, Middle, Beginning

There was an unwanted child.
Aborted by three modern methods
she hung on to the womb,
hooked onto I
building her house into it
and it was to no avail,
to black her out.

At her birth
she did not cry,
spanked indeed,
but did not yell-
instead snow fell out of her mouth.

As she grew, year by year,
her hair turned like a rose in a vase,
and bled down her face.
Rocks were placed on her to keep
the growing silent,
and though they bruised,
they did not kill,
though kill was tangled into her beginning.

They locked her in a football
but she merely curled up
and pretended it was a warm doll's house.
They pushed insects in to bite her off
and she let them crawl into her eyes
pretending they were a puppet show.

Later, later,
grown fully, as they say,
they gave her a ring,
and she wore it like a root
and said to herself,
'To be not loved is the human condition,'
and lay like a stature in her bed.

Then once,
by terrible chance,
love took her in his big boat
and she shoveled the ocean
in a scalding joy.

Then,
slowly,
love seeped away,
the boat turned into paper
and she knew her fate,
at last.
Turn where you belong,
into a deaf mute
that metal house,
let him drill you into no one.

scream queen

I wish I could find people who just would fight me

and break through to me

and hold me down

and scream their life into my face.

 

As our silence starts to break...

But just remember
This is a beautiful mistake
I really need you

My remastered heart...

 

photo by This Too Shall Pass Photography

"He is outside everything, and alien everywhere.  He is an aesthetic solitary.  His beautiful, light imagination is the wing that on the autumn evening just brushed the dusky window"

every leaf....

\

photo by This Too Shall Pass Photography

Every leaf speaks bliss to me,

fluttering from the autumn tree

~Emily Bronte 

She loves a puppet....

Don't know why
She thinks she loves him
Don't go cry
He's just a toy

She calls it only love

Her love it is not pure

She loves a puppet
She loves a puppet
And all that i can do is cry

Got no soul
Only a haircut
He's no man
Barely a boy

Why can't she understand
That i am her true love

She loves a puppet
She loves a puppet

He's made of flesh and blood
His footsteps make a heavy thud
His porch light's on
But no one's home

I'd love to make her mine
But i have to wonder why

She loves a puppet
She loves a puppet
And all that i can do is cry

Please don't disturb.

I'm gonna lock my heart
And throw away the key
I'm wise to all those tricks you played on me

Hang a sign upon my heart
"please don't disturb"

 

 

Where the past and the present collide....