My apology to all of you…………

Sometimes, the truth hurts.  Sometimes it even kills us, emotionally.  And yet, we need to know, so that we can grow as humans, so that we can recognize our faults and flaws and attempt to fix them, to change, to adapt, to develop.  So we can become better people.  

There were times, growing up, when I felt, I could not express my true emotions.  I was discouraged from revealing how I really felt, unless they were joyful thoughts.  If I felt sad or disheartened, I felt as though had to keep these feelings to myself.  I would try so hard to hide it when I wasn’t happy, but I found this very difficult, and  I pulled back itself myself, isolating myself from others. \

Over the years, I learned how to express these emotions.  I opened up to others and took comfort in their receptiveness.  Eventually, this became a crutch for me.  Anytime, I was sad or angry (regardless of the root cause) I would reach out to people, for comfort, for validity, for acknowledgement.   It made me feel less alone for people to know how I felt, what I was going through, and to respond to my pain.  

Social networking made it easier to connect with others, to feel linked in to the world.  It made it easier to communicate, with the written word, any feelings I had.  It made it easier to open up and share my experiences.  But, it also made it easier to vent, to complain, to whine about day to day negativity. 

 

Being a person who wears their heart on their sleeve, this has been a downfall for me.  I get hurt easily, take things to heart, take things personally. 

This past week, a few people disclosed things to me, about myself I had not realized I was presenting to the world. 

More often than not, I was presenting a negative persona.  I would dwell on the negative, sometimes forgetting the positive.  I guess, I recognized this, subconsciously, however, was not cognizant enough to accept it wholeheartedly. 

But, what is more important, when I would vent about people who had hurt me, the people who did care were feeling overlooked, ignored, and disregarded.  This was never my intention.  I feel so embarrassed and disappointed in myself for presenting this attitude to the world. 

I feel as though I have lost track of what I feel my purpose is here on earth, what I want my purpose to be.  And that is to always place others before myself, to serve my fellow man, to help those in need.  

I wanted to say I AM SORRY to all of you.  To anyone I may have hurt with my negative thoughts.  I never intended it.  

I promise to myself to be a more positive person.  To let go of things that hurt me.  To not hold onto negative energy or grudges.  To smile more.  To laugh more. To love more.  To be the person I want to be. I pledge to be a better person.  A better friend.  A better friend to myself too. 

I hope that you will continue to be in my life.  I love you all.  I am sorry.