What am I to you?

What am I to you?
.................just a ghost.
Another shroud for your eyes, another brilliant disguise.
.................just a ghost.

 

This past year has taught me a lot about myself.  I have discovered that I am much stronger than I believed before.  Though I may have been broken, I survived.  Though it hurts daily, I am still here, fighting.  I am stronger than this pain.  

I have lived, loved, lost, found myself, lost myself, had my heart broken, healed, had my heart broken again, been confused, been disappointed, passed over, thrown away, pushed aside, felt more alive than I have in years.  And through it all, I am still right here. 

I have discovered things about myself that I could only learn by living through it.   I have realized that there is one thing, above others, that kills me….and that is being unnoticed, thrown away, passed over, ignored, pushed aside. 

 I can handle anger, sorrow, physical pain, or whatever else life decides to throw my way, yet, that one thing….that repetitive thing….the thing that kills my spirit and screws with my mind the most has kept testing me, draining me, challenging me to go on in spite of the devastating pain of it. 

I am scared of being forgotten, of being made invisible, of fading away until I am a ghost of the girl I once was. 

I am here, waiting still, trying to make things right, ready to open my heart and arms, ready to forgive and forget, ready to move on, ready to be loved.  I just need you to be as well.

I don’t want to become a ghost to you, to myself, to others.

Don’t let me fade away.